EQUALITY NOW FOR ROBOT-PET HYBRIDS
A Site Devoted to Avoiding Potential Disaster
Thomas' Blog
July 28, 2008
It's a boy! Or should it be "He's a boy?" That kind of give's it away right there in the subject. Had it not been for the contraction, there wouldn't even be a reason to read the verb.
He was born July 1, his name is Jules and he's pretty great. Here's a picture of Jules sporting a onesie I silkscreened for him.
There is apparently a race for some elected office or another that is soon to be determined. I wouldn't know. I work for a government entity and am thus physically incapable of having a political opinion. Good thing, too since it's against the rules. If you have been living on Mars in a cave with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears you may have missed the fact that it's just starting to get ugly. I'm very surprised.
Feb. 27, 2008
The kid is way more awesome than I expected. Even in utero my kid could beat your kid up, but won't because my kid is too cool for shit like that. Just look at his or her picture.
I was thinking of naming him or her Racecar McGyver, but now that I see the picture, I'm thinking more like Skulleater McDevil or Dumptruck Jones.
Jan. 29, 2008
My wife is carrying a creepy parasite in her belly and there is an entire industry built around making her feel okay about it. I'm actually really excited about it. I have warned her since the beginning, though, that I am not a good role model. It's not that I don't want to provide an environment of learning and discipline — I really do — but I really think that inappropriate behavior is funny. So no matter how badly I want to raise a well-mannered, respectful child, the reality is this: it will do something funny; I will laugh; we will both get in trouble.
Dec. 28, 2007
The present was not (as I had hoped) the keys to my very own Gulf Stream V personal jet, nor was it even (as I expected) a very tiny handgun. It was a super cool watch, the Nooka Zub Zot 38 in sage green. It's quite cool in a very nerdy way, so I love it.
Dec. 5, 2007
There is a present under my Christmas tree with which I am obsessed. The present is about 4 inches by 4 inches by 2 inches (give or take) and is apparently a five-sided box made of cardboard or something similar. The sixth side is one of the skinny sides (see illustrations below) and it is made of a hard plastic material or something similar. The plastic side has slightly curved edges and moves in and out of the five-sided cardboard box a bit. I first assumed that there was a complete six-sided plastic box inside a cardboard sleeve that would slip out once the package was unwrapped. Marguerite said, "I don't think it works the way you think it works." She also told me that it has spots and it is grey. It is not a game and does not make any sounds or give off light, but it is battery operated. What is it? Leave your guesses in the comments section.
Here are my conceptual drawings of the package.
Nov. 21, 2007
Here is a picture of my wife. I think she's pretty. Don't tell her.
Nov. 7, 2007
I am going on a train trip tomorrow. Trains are supposed to be romantic, right?
Well, the only other time I've traveled by train was in the late '90s with my sister. That trip was a wash as far as romance goes; since I was traveling with family, hooking up with a hottie and making out in the observation car was near impossible.
Skip ahead 10 years. Now I'm traveling with my wife (for our anniversary) so that almost guarantees that I won't be hooking up with a hottie and making out in the observation car.
Thanks, Fate!
Oct. 19, 2007
I was coming back to the office after lunch with some coworkers, and we parked next to a car in which there were two people. In the driver's seat was a woman smoking a cigarette and singing along to "War Pigs," the Sabbath version (as if there were any other).
"But, no!" you say. "Have you heard Faith No More's version on their 1989 album "The Real Thing?" Mike Patton's freshman effort as a frontman for the San Franciso experimental rock group was impressive, to say the least, and their cover of "War Pigs" is a surprising little gem laced with funk, jazz . . . "
You know what? Just shut up. You're wrong and you know you are.
The gentleman in the back seat was drinking a beer. Rock on with your badass parking lot music festival.
Oct. 17, 2007
I did go and meet my friend last night. As a result, I didn't get enough sleep, which always makes my bursitis flare up. Of course this would be the morning some punk kids chose my lawn on which to loiter, but I gave them what for. You may think I ended that sentence with a preposition, but in this case "what for" is an idiomatic expression disguising itself as a noun.
(Old person trifecta: complaint of physical ailment, derogatory reference to younger generation and a lesson.)
Oct. 16, 2007
Ways to be an old dude:
1. As you drive to work, remark to yourself that your back's a little sore. Bonus points if you haven't performed any strenuous activity in a week.
2. Try to set up a wireless router. Call tech support when you can't do it on your own.
3. When a friend calls to have drinks on a Tuesday night, seriously consider turning him down so you can go to bed early.
Such was my day.
Oct. 10, 2007
I like rice. A lot.
To eat, sicko. You know I really hate it when you automatically make something disgusting out of a love as pure as mine for rice. It's just not funny. In fact, it's juvenile and unbecoming a person of your stature.
Anyway; if you'd quit interrupting, I'd get to my point: I don't work for the rice industry, but I'd like to (hint to all of you rice moguls out there) because I bet there'd be a sweet employee discount on all of those fancy rices that normally cost tens, sometimes hundreds, of cents per pound at the grocery store.
Oct. 9, 2007
We started watching Alias on DVD recently. I know that I'm the better part of a decade behind on this, but I was busy in the early 2000s, so back off.
Couple of things.
First. Why is it that everyone who has a super-secret laboratory/torture room/vault full of valuable 14th century artifacts has a party on that property, then assigns one easily-distracted guard to stand next to the staircase leading to said lab?
Second. I have learned many lessons from Sydney Bristow, but none more important than the one dramatized below.
Spy boss: "Thomas. We need you to sneak into a top secret grocery store, then steal a box of crackers and a jar of marmelade. Bring them back to headquarters and make everyone a delicious snack. You'll go under cover as a janitor."
Me: "A sexy janitor?"
Spy boss: "Sure, whatever. Just bring me some Wheat Thins . . . and a bottle of fruit punch."
Sept. 25, 2007
Way before I became the second in command of Earth's first activist organization for robopets, I was a child who wore cleats. Everywhere. The shiny, white, plasticky kind. When I wasn't wearing cleats I was wearing cowboy boots.
I wore cleats and cowboy boots all the time, even in summer; and since I was a small child in the late 1970s and early 80s, I also wore a particular kind of shorts in summer. Perhaps that word needs a little more emphasis. Shooooooooorts. The kind with contrasting piping on all of the seams and the little notch on the outside of the leg. With cowboy boots. Picture it, then set the picture on fire so nobody else will ever see the picture again.
My point is: Crocs are okay for children, but everyone else should wear real people shoes.
Sept. 17, 2007
Webought an HD television and our cable provider has, like, eight HDchannels, two of which are sports. Since I'm not really a sports fan,I've been watching Discovery. I know so much about sharks right now Ithink I could be a marine biologist.
On another note, Margueritehas pointed out that the technically correct title of this page wouldbe "Thomas's Blog." There are two reasons that the title is not"Thomas's Blog." Number one, I don't want "ass" at the end of my name.Number two, she's totally wrong.AP style clearly states that singular proper names ending in "s" needonly use an apostrophe to form a possessive. Take that, Strunk andWhite.
P.S. She is a freak and thinks one should add a comma before the word "and" in a list!
Sept. 13, 2007
You know what's good? Tofu jerky.
You know how I know? I made some.
You know whose wife said the process of drying tofu jerky is nauseatingly stinky? Mine.
