so i came across this article whilst surfing for something to do besides my *insert fav explicative here, too tired to come up with anything besides childish words like crap or poo* job
Robots could replace live bunnies in chemical testing procedures
Thankfully, the National Institute of Health and the EPA have teamed up to jumpstart a five-year research program that "will use high-speed automated screening robots" instead of live animals to run chemical tests on cells grown in a laboratory. Reportedly, the long term goal here is to "reduce the cost, time and number of animals used in screening everything from pesticides to household chemicals," but according to those involved with the initiative, it'll be quite some time before non animal-based testing becomes the norm. http://www.engadget.com/2008/02/15/robots-could-replace-live-bunnies-in-chemical-testing-procedures/
this is why we're here people...the poor things are going to be created just to be tortured. which is kind of reminiscent of my world today. i'm like some sad lil robot that was created for what she was told would be bigger things...you know to make a difference and to help people. to learn new things and work on different, exciting projects. to be able to interact with others who want to also be intellectually "stimulated" in a casual yet productive environment. and yet in actuality i am just here to be tortured by people who have apparently no other purpose in their lives except to inject me with their problems.
nice. real freakin nice EPA and National Institute of Health. what lies are you going to tell your roombas and ipods at home to be able to sleep at night? it's okay sweetie, there will be merit increases i swear.
January 30, 2008
update:
basketball is boy, not girl. should have known. girl is like what...flower shaped? princess tiara? what like sugar and spice shaped?
January 30, 2008
yes well, so erm happy new year, wooo!
so i am fascinated with all of the people who are obsessed with finding out/knowing the gender of the creature, otherwise known as my soon to be child or racecar macgyver if you ask my partner. now that i am "showing" and no longer just look fat, apparently people can ask about what it is going to be. seriously, the first question is always when are you due in an attempt to determine just how fat you are getting vs. baby bumpedness. then they ask so do you know/are going to know what it is. i have determined that i don't want to mostly cause i am not a fan of placing gender roles on something that isn't even born yet. there's plenty of time for people to do that later for the REST of its poor life. (yeah thomas i am still talking about the yellow jumper, he can wear it if he wants to, i don't care if it has embroidered roses!!) also, cause i like pink don't get me wrong, but a room that has been pinkly pricessedly thrown up on i am not so keen on. although, if he wants a freakin princess room he can have it thomas the opressor.
according to the shape of my bump today though, apparently i am going to have a girl...in the shape of a basketball!
coming soon: the wrist-string test, now 100% accurate unless it is wrong. this is not your mom's dark ages method oh no, forget all that "science" stuff you think you know about and stay tuned to a real method of gender determinationDecember 12, 2007
so, for a long time now, my friends and i have had issues and suspicions with blue flavored stuff. today i am reminded why. so skittles sour candies (they came free with the busket o popcorn and vat of beverage we got from the movies) have 5 flavors. lemon, strawberry, watermelon, green apple, and blue raspberry. i get green apple. some apples are red and some are green and they do have distinct tastes. (none actually taste like green apple flavor, but whatever) now, blue raspberry? are there actually blue raspberries? do they have a distinct flavor? does it taste blue? because i find all blue flavored stuff tastes pretty much the same. not necessarily blue, but the same. and if there are no blue raspberries then, why label it blue? why not just freaking raspberry? WHY? is it just to have another color in the bunch cause red and pink were already taken by the old fogies strawberry and watermelon? (which by the way watermelon should be green, not pink. most flavors go by the outside not the inside, which is why green apple is not whiteish colored. steve at www.thesneeze.com rocked my world when he let me in on the secret that blueberries on the inside are actually green and i am not sure i have recovered, so i won't even touch that conspiracy) there should be rules and standards dammit! what are we, animals, just randomly picking colors and making up flavors as we go? what kind of society are we creating for the children? think of the children...
December 3, 2007
So, there are so many obvious reasons why we should advocate for robot-pet hybrid rights, but you ask: executive director of ENfRPH is there any other not-so-obvious reason why we would want to get involved in this beautiful movement to end potential oppression of our inevitable offspring of our robots and pets? (long winded aren't you?)
why yes there is! RPHs are going to be awesome. put yourself in their little metal shoes. or socks even. you would want to and here's why: when they step in water in the bathroom that somehow always appears only when you are wearing just socks, their toes won't get wet. (mostly because they won't be wearing socks because they are cats or something and they will most likely have metal feet. either way...awesome! cause wet socks are the worst, seriously it makes me crazy)
November 15, 2007
Ok, so we went on our train ride to Atlanta. On the way there we had a roomette with a private bathroom. I am not sure how the people who advertise for these roomettes go to their "private" bathroom, but I am pretty sure they don’t just have a toilet in their bedroom/living room right next to their bed/armchair. Or maybe it is, and they are just freaks. Seriously! Have any of you taken a train lately? Sure the whole sink and table that flip down are cool. And who doesn’t love the sound of hanging out in a lounge car, but do not, I repeat DO NOT ever take a train ride in a roomette with someone you aren’t extraordinarily comfortable with. If you must, then you should absolutely come up with a system ahead of time complete with code words. You know, to keep your dignity.
October 30, 2007
so it is the day before my favorite holiday in the whole of holidays and i am NOT going to talk about why i oh so love the halloween with its hey you can dress up and be whoever you want to be, slutty pirate? slutty prom queen zombie? slutty dirty bar wench? (redundant?) and its oh you are a boy? well you can pick any of these scary and ugly costumes...girl? oh well you can pick from any of these scary and ugly costumes as long as you slut it up a little.
NO, i am not going to talk about the only time of year when your parents force you to go out into the dark to not only get candy from strangers but to Beg for it. but oh the booty. the reason why i am not going to talk about all of these and the many other reasons i so love tomorrow's day is because i am pissed off about two things. 1) i am not home this year to celebrate said holiday with the thomas and
2) cialis. Yes i am pissed off at the erectile dysfunction med, specifically their new commercial. here's the deal, they are boasting their new concoction which can get you in the mood, so to speak, for the sex in as little as 30 minutes or up to 6 hours, so you can finally have sex when you are both ready. camera to the finally satisfied woman who WHAT?!@# is happy because this time he didn't rape her? didn't guilt her into having sex with him when she wasn't ready cause the meds are only gonna last an hour baby? fuck her in her sleep? what in the hell do they mean when you are both ready? every time i hear this commercial (it happened quite a lot in the series games) i cringe and get angrier and angrier. so there. thanks cialis. you have offically ruined halloween. i hope you and your new non-raping erectile function is happy.
October 23, 2007
so there was this guy who sat down to his free cocktail hour beverage and snacks and made the sign of the cross. this is what i imagined his prayer to be:
dear lord, please let thine bud lite be lite in calories and not in flavor and thy will be done to allow these tiny swedish meatballs be righteous in their bar-b-qued goodness. in thy name i pray. amen.
October 18, 2007
so how do you know if you are staying at a classy joint??? no, it's not having or NOT having whiskey sours, but how she stirs the first ingredient in your second choice, pineapple and rum...with a stirrer you so wrongly guess. hell no...with a classy-ass butcher knife. yeah, that's right. this truly IS america's best inns and suites.
October 16, 2007 October 15, 2007 well, all i can say is i love you too and damn right about the comma issue. but whoa! agreeing with someone else about the apostrophe crisis? way outta line bean. way out. i am going to have to say though, that i did recently see her cavorting with robyn the robot repressor, sooo. you make the call. she's obviously flip flopping on her stand for robot rights and until she makes up her mind whether to be a part of the problem or part of the freakin awesome solution, then we are going to have to put her on alert, level fuschia... September 12, 2007
so can we talk about how much i love free cocktail hours at hotels (yeah there are two whole hours!)? reasons: 1) the cocktails, are FREE, go ahead mix and match it up whiskey sour-FREE, vodka and tonic with a splash of grapefruit-FREE, box wine-Oh yeah, 2) they also provide free snacks, (yeah comma before the and thomas, what?!) and last) the hospitality of the bartenders is simply profound. Example: um excuse me i think there is something in my glass, oh yeah, she says, it's probably just another fly. i'll get you another G&T. !@#@ now that is service.
so here's what my closest girlfriend has to say about our website:
bean: i am basking in the cleverness. love you, love you guys! comma before and in any list and one apostrophe after s only.
October 10, 2007
so here's the thing about phone etiquette, people have none. now bear with me i am feeling rather whiny and quite feel like throwing myself on the ground and demanding silly things like shorter work days or naps. it is probably because it is only wednesday and somehow when i signed up to work for a living, i don't think i meant like every day, forEVER. back to phones...the general population, and mind i have taken quite a large sample of said population lately, really has no idea how to talk on the phone. maybe it's the technological age of email and texting (seriously, when is Word going to accept that is a word?) or because people have no home trainin'. either way, here is my suggestion for those of you, who bless, like me have to answer the phones where you work. when people call and say i have a question then rudely start with um, hello, as if somehow, it is your turn. like the damned hotline wasn't set up fer to answer questions or anything. i just do not feel i have to give anyone the go ahead to ask their question. don't say i have a question and then pause, just ask the fucking thing. so i like to give a long pause and then say back hello, hello? and then hang up like i can't hear them. then when they call back i just repeat until they finally start the conversation with their question. oh and next, what i hate most about people is the entitlement mentality. i have decided it is worse on the phone because they can't see me or better what i am doing. frankly this is pretty much a good thing because some of things i do could get me fired and or arrested in 38 states. so when people call though, do they really think that by calling me little lady or letting me know of their "right" to sue me (yeah, i answer the phone there chief) that somehow all of a sudden i am going to say well why didn't you say so, come on in and take a ride on my horse of a different color whilst we sing songs on the way to see the freakin big man? although, i believe now that is what i am going to demand during my next tantrum, naps and color changin' pony rides during lunch. now get off my lawn.
September 29, 2007
so i have the most amazing husband ever. that's it. he rocks me and my world.
September 25, 2007
so recently at work, the internet got shut down. i am not talking shut down, like bad weather, lights go out woohoo, let's light some candles and have a hurricane party shut down, but like They shut it down. i suppose it is to cut back on the whole surfing nonsense and get all those good fer nothins back to work, but what it has actually done is just piss me off and somehow turned me back into the nerd of my youth.
at first i just tried getting to my sites over and over. like if i just kept clicking go, they would magically appear again. (by the way, favo-rights are thesneeze.com and freakin cuteoverload.com which seriously if you haven't gone to, are bored, and have unlimited access at work, you are just not cool. what do you do all day?)
then i tried using my blackberry, but it won't show the cute fuzzy kittens, so what is the point. and then...duhn duhn duhnnnn... i actually started reading. Funny, Thomas asked the same thing, books online? NO! actually a real live book. with pages and ink and stuff. don't get me wrong, i read all the time, but not usually at work to get through the day. next thing you know i'll be sending mail to my friends to stay in touch with like stamps or something. so how much do they cost these days? like what, 23, 27, 23 cents? what, like 35, 42 cents? and can i still get those useless ones for a penny? cause if i have to start using the pony mail again, i am gonna use nothing but those one cent stamps. (what like, 38? 29 cents?)
that'll show em...
September 17, 2007
speaking of whittlin'...i'm aboutsta tell you the yarn of how this here little blog began...
it started on a tuesday as most things do...
my friend known now, and forever more, as Robyn the Robot Repressor was oppressing me after i emailed early in the work day some early morning ramblings:
me: i think i should stop using robots and start using AI. it will prob be really be a really machinist thing to say one day...our kids will be all like, mom...quit using the r word, you hurt rosie's feelings...yeah mom, she has feelings too. you are so far behind the singularity....you're embarrassing me...then i'll have to get one of my robots to put the smackdown...i mean...
to which there proceeds a very intense and supremely enlightening series of emails of which will only be seen again at the dawn of said singularity. i won't go into it here, because, well frankly it may offend. like i said, this was early morning, and i am grumpy on tuesdays before coffee.
so Robyn the Robot Repressor asks what i was smoking, as if i couldn't possibly be spouting off little niblets of fantasticness (it's a word now, thomas, shush) without being high! i was offended ladies and gentlemen. aghast even. so i responded with:
me: look, we have to support robot rights...if not, we'll be just like the religious right...if my rosie (our roomba) wants to get it on with the dishwasher, who am i to say anything...next thing you'll be saying is if we give her rights, she'll be wanting to get it on with the cats...you really shouldn't be so machinist robyn...although some cute-ass fluffy robot with big kitty cat eyes wouldn't be so bad...
and the campaign begins...only to further be solidified and in fact validated with business cards and t-shirts moments later when i innocently took a break from being so hard at 'work' to have
the most bizarre conversation i have ever had at work! it went like this:
this guy: hey are you the tootsie roll lady?
me: excuse me, what?@!
this guy: weren't you the one who danced on the table at squat?
me: erm...no?
then i proceeded to forget my errand to the ladies. funny how i was so shocked and albeit confused, that a) i didn't exactly sound sure of my answer, so i don't think the guy believed that i was in fact NOT the one who danced on the table at squat and was b) so not nearly caffeinated enough for this, so forgot to go to the bathroom.
so how do you ask, does this relate to equal rights for not only robots, but robot-pet hybrids? stay with me, my friends and i can often lack the art of segue. so bean, now and forever known as bean the tootsie roll lady responds:
bean the tootsie roll lady: WHAT?@#%? Your company employees a tootsie roll lady? Is it a lengthy application process? I hadn’t thought about a career change…but the more I think about it, I’d love to have a business card that reads Bean the Tootsie Roll Lady.
my wonderful husband was on the case immediately, and if bean was gettin' fancy new business cards, then i wanted some that said rights for robot-pet hybrids. of course, robyn needed some so all would know her for her true colors (and don't we all just need a good villan).
so there you have it. know that this tale of yore will forever be passed down from generation to generation over a good ol fashioned whittlin' session (yeah, saw how i brought that back around did ya), but feel free to delete some of the wordy words when retelling to your friends and family, cause even as i write this thomas ever so sweetly has asked how the novel is going.
Marguerite will soon share her thoughts with you about such varied subjects as whittling, coyotes, the best brands of chewing tobacco, and whether or not women should ride side-saddle.
Marguerite, you see, is an old West cowboy.
